The Case for Curiosity

​  Be curious, not judgmental
​                                 -Walt Whitman
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I love this quote by Walt Whitman because it gets at something we don’t often discuss when dealing with the issue of tolerance. In an effort to avoid being judgmental, we sometimes throw the baby out with the bath water, viewing everyone and everything through the same lens—or not viewing them at all.

When teaching kids not to bully, we sometimes tell them that everyone is the same, but this is just not true. Everyone is not the same--thank goodness—and it’s important that we teach children to celebrate, not ignore, differences. This begins by encouraging curiosity. 

Curious : Eager to know, inquisitive

The definition of “curious” is “eager to know, inquisitive”.  If you’ve ever spent time with a child, you know that this trait comes naturally. Everything is new, everything is exciting, and with this novelty comes a natural desire to learn and understand. Though they learn in many ways, the primary way children discover the world around them is by asking questions. As I’m sure you also know, these questions aren’t usually filtered. 

Photo credit: Patrick Giblin/Flickr

​Unlike adults, children don’t know what questions they’re “not supposed to ask”. They don’t know they aren’t supposed to ask why another child’s skin is darker or lighter than theirs. They don’t know they aren’t supposed to ask why a person “talks funny”. They don’t know they aren’t supposed to ask why someone gets around by sitting in a moving chair. So, they ask—much to the embarrassment of their parents. It’s not an uncommon site to see a parent harshly shushing a child and dragging him or her away quickly as they flash an apologetic look at the person in question. The question is…why?

​The answer is usually backed by good intentions. Parents may scold their children for asking these “taboo” questions because they want them to focus instead on the things we all have in common. While this isn’t necessarily a bad goal, it can have some unintentional consequences.  For starters, when we completely discount diversity, we imply that differences are bad; something to be ignored and hidden. Additionally, we have a tendency to fear what we do not know. How much more will children fear unknown differences when they are coupled with the idea that differences are bad?
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Another cause of parental shushing is the fear that curiosity will become judgment. In reality, the opposite is often true; judgment arises when curiosity is squelched. When adults ignore important questions, children must form their own answers—and these may or may not be correct. The issue worsens when they do hear an opinion, and that opinion is filled with prejudice and stereotypes.

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​Perhaps the most common reason parents discourage the curiosity of their children is for fear of hurting the feelings of another. While a child will rarely point out a difference out of meanness, the person to whom they are referring may still feel uncomfortable being singled out or may be painfully reminded of the many times they were made fun of or excluded for their difference.

So what is the solution? The truth is, when dealing with children, it’s impossible to avoid all embarrassing situations. However, there are ways to minimize hurt feelings while still encouraging natural curiosity. Here are a few basic guidelines:
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​-In private, talk about simple courtesies, such as not pointing. Explain that it’s ok to wonder about another person, but some people are very shy or have been teased in the past and they can feel uncomfortable when strangers point or talk about them. Let your child know that they can ask you questions, but, out of respect for others, sometimes it’s best to wait until you are both in a private place and together you can seek out good resources and people to help you learn.

-Be honest about differences. Explain to your child how differences are good and necessary—not something to ignore.

-Whenever possible, after speaking to you first, encourage your children to ask their questions directly to the person about whom they are curious. Obviously, this must be someone you know well enough to know they are comfortable with being questioned. What better way to learn about a person than by asking that person themselves? ​
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​-Discuss stereotypes openly with your children. What are they? Where did they come from? What is the truth?

-When children (and adults!) don’t understand something, they can become afraid of it and avoid it. This can lead to kids keeping away from those who are different than them. Discuss fears your child might have about the person that is different. One of the best remedies for fear is the truth. The more we know about something, the less scary it becomes.

 -Be sure to treat each person as an individual. One person with a certain nationality or hair color or ability level will not necessarily be like another person like that. Encourage your child to see each new person as an exciting new story to be discovered.
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-Make a point to take notice of the unique qualities of the people and things all around.  Encourage your child’s natural curiosity and help them learn the right way to satisfy it by applying questions to non-human things. For example: “I notice this ladybug is red, but this one is yellow. I wonder why? I bet those colors help each ladybug in a special way. Let’s go get a book and find out!”

​As adults, it’s easy to think we have it all figured out; that we know all there is to know. However, just like squelching the questions of children, believing we know it all can rob us of the joy of learning something new and wonderful about the people around us. So today, ask questions. Look at things from a new perspective.

​Be curious.
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Who--or what--is A. Blob? Spark your child's curiosity with This is A. Blob, a beautifully illustrated tale of a unique bully's antics. Discover that A. Blob and, perhaps others like him, may not be exactly what they seem. Lesson plan for teachers or discussion questions for other adults accompany an  order.   For ages 4-8.

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​BOOK 2 NOW AVAILABLE!​
A. Blob is back, and this time it's on a bus! As the slimy bully pokes and pesters the children of Lincoln Elementary School, it seems like they will never be able to ride the bus in peace. That is, until one brave girl takes stand. 

Can one act of bravery change everything--including A. Blob? Find out in this second installment of The Blob Series!